Like a lot of other folks, I’d switched over to Gmail my primary email account. Their Web interface is great, and Gmail’s spam filtering is possibly the best I’d ever seen. However, there was one rather small problem, where by “rather small problem” I mean “kinda huge problem”: I was losing emails. As in, I know the person had sent me emails, and I never received them. Yep, I checked the spam folder. The emails never showed up¹.

I was willing to forgive this once or twice, seeing as how complicated and fragile all these SMTP shenanigans is. (Seriously, SMTP has to contend with FTP for the Most Stupid Protocol Ever Award.) However, after Gmail lost emails three or four times and I received the emails successfully at my other, non-Gmail accounts, I couldn’t ignore the problem any longer. The last straw was when one of my friends forwarded me an email three times from another Gmail account and none of the mails came through.

I’ve since switched to Pobox.com and have been a happy chappy since. Pobox’s spam filtering isn’t quite as good as Gmail’s, but it’s good enough, and their once-per-day spam report where you can simply click on a false positive spam to whitelist and retrieve it is just brilliant. That feature alone is worth the $20/year. If they had an email forwarding address where I could send them the rest of my spams to improve their overall spam training, Pobox would be perfect. If you’re looking for a powerful, reliable email forwarding service, I can recommend Pobox without hesitation.

So, here’s a question: has anybody else out there lost emails with Gmail? Surely it must’ve happened to somebody besides me. (Oh, and if you read this, work for Google and would like to figure out what’s going on, drop me a mail: I have the Message-IDs of at least a couple of the emails that were lost. Maybe we can all work this out.)

¹ The first time I experienced any email lossage with Gmail was, very unfortunately, a business-related mail: one of our RapidWeaver customers had a Gmail address, and despite me sending two or three emails to him, he claimed never to have never received them. Of course, said customer thought that our customer support was rather lacking when he never received an email within a month, despite me sending one off within 14 hours of seeing the problem. A small drama ensued, threats were being made to post about our lack of customer care to the front page of Digg, etc etc. Thankfully everything was sorted out at the very last minute and unhappy people were made happy again, but geez, it’s a nice reminder of how things can go wrong very fast when communication channels break down.

It appears that Andrew Lee has finished the Zerg Campaign in Starcraft. Amusement follows.

Overmind: Greetings underlings. I’m so cool I shit ice-cream. And I’ve got a new toy - this super important mega-death weapon thing that’s currently breeding in a Chrysalis. It’s a big big secret what’s inside but when she pops out, she’ll lay the smackdown on everything! I’m not telling anyone what’s inside the chrysalis so it’ll be a total surprise when she awakens. Also, since hot babe Kerrigan just died in Chapter 1, it can’t possibly be her. And if it is her (which it’s not), it’ll be such a cunning plot twist that you’ll wet yourself.

It’s like totally important that this Chrysalis thing is protected. So, amongst all my legions of creatures, I am going to choose… my most young and inexperienced Cerebrate to protect it.

All the other Cerebrates: Erm… boss… you sure about that?

Overmind: Of course I’m sure! I’m the Overmind! Okay… so little young cutie teacher’s pet newbie Cerebrate, there’s a few things you need to know before you begin your life as protector of the chrysalis… are you ready?

Newbie Cerebrate: Yes boss.

Overmind: Ok. This… is a drone.

All the other Cerebrates: Oh for fuck’s sake.

Overmind: And when you have enough minerals, you can build a Pwning Spool.

Newbie Cerebrate: Minerals… Pwning Spool… Got it.

Cerebrate Daggoth: Things sure are dull now that Overmind is cuddling Newbie over there. Hey Zasz, can I ask you something?

Cerebrate Zasz: Sure Daggoth.

Daggoth: So, we’re like masters of evolution right?

Zasz: Yeah.

Daggoth: So we can evolve from little larvae things to become anything at all right?

Zasz: Yeah.

Daggoth: So, we could look like… I dunno… Jessica Alba… or the Asian chick from Battlestar Gallactica… but instead we look like pulsating grey pieces of shit.

Zasz: Sucks dunnit. Anyway, that’s why Overmind nabbed Kerrigan. He’s been totally getting into Japanese tentantacle porn…

Daggoth: …

Overmind: And then you right click and build a Hydralisk Den. That let’s you build Hydralisks. That’s why it’s called a Hydralisk Den.

Newbie: Hey boss. I’m grateful that you’re taking the time to explain all this to me. But it’s been like 15 levels now and I think I’m ready to do a bit more. How about we push the storyline a bit.

Overmind: Ok. Go kill Terrans.

Newbie: (Kills Terrans)

Overmind: Go kill Protoss.

Newbie: (Kills Protoss)

Overmind: Go kill renegade Zerg.

Newbie: (Kills renegade Zerg) Script writers took a break on this chapter huh?

Overmind: yeah. Go kill more stuff till the Chrysalis thing hatches.

Newbie: Okay.

Raynor: Hey, I’ve been having these wacky dreams… as if Kerrigan were calling out to me. But I know that’s impossible because she died in Chapter 1.

Zerg Kerrigan: Hi everyone! I’m back. It was me in the Chrysalis. How cool and unexpected was that!

Everyone with IQ over 7: Shit me a brick! We all just wet ourselves!

Raynor: Oh my God. Sarah! What have they done to you?

Zerg Kerrigan: I’m a Zerg now. (wins Most Obvious Statement award)

Raynor: Well, I’ve still got a hard-on for you. So…are we going to bonk or are you going to kill me?

Zerg Kerrigan: Well, I want to kill you. But some strange lingering emotion inside me compels me to let you go. Some emotion stronger than any Zerg power over me. I… I don’t know what it could be. Leave Jimmy. Leave now.. before it’s too late. Must… control… (but how about we get together in the expansion set)

Raynor: Ok. Bye.

Zeratul: I’m an invisible Dark Templar Protoss. No one can see me and I’ve got this cool Jedi Lightsabre! I’m hunting Cerebrates… Charrge! (kills Zasz)

Zasz: Arrrggh (dies)

Overmind: Shame about Zasz. But when Zertaul shoved his light sabre up Zasz’s ass, I connected with Zertaul’s mind and now I know where the Protoss Homeworld is! Suck that Zeratul.

Zertaul: Bugger. (runs away)

Overmind: Cool, let’s go invade the Protoss Homeworld. The most important thing there is the Khaldarin Crystals, the source of all power!!! Since this is the most important thing ever after protecting the Chrysalis, I’m going to pick the Newbie Cerebrate again to take control of all my forces. Newbie, go to the Protoss Homeworld, steal the crystals and then kill all the Protoss there.

Newbie: Hey big boss, can I ask you a few questions?

Overmind: Of course my little cupcake:

Newbie: Well firstly, in Chapter 1, Mensk and Kerrigan turned on that one Psi-emitter rubics cube and “Zerg from across the galaxy” were lured to it. So how is it that the Protoss Homeworld, filled with 10 billion Psychic Protoss, is completely invisible to us?

Overmind: Err…

Newbie: And then there’s this thing about the Khaldarin Crystals. We only just found out about the Protoss Homeworld five minutes ago when Zeratul shoved his sabre up Zasz’s ass and you looked into his mind…so how is it that we know all about the Crystals and exactly where they are, so much so that we’ve set up a big friggin’ Neon Lit beacon over the beacon saying “BRING DRONE HERE”. But the Protoss, who have lived on the planet since forever AND who have a special upgrade called “Khaldarin Amulet”, don’t have a clue about the Crystals?

Overmind: Shut the fuck up. Now, go steal the crystals. Just look for the beacon.

Newbie: Yes boss. (steals the Crystals)

Overmind: Now do the Crystal Thing… and I can plant my fat ass down on the Protoss Homeworld. YEAH!

Quoteth Manuel Chakravarty:

Dungeons and Dragons is the C++ of role-playing games.

It seems that I’ve been interviewed by BuilderAU about The Importance of Being Erlang. (And I quite like the pun, even if it wasn’t my idea.) Feedback on it is always welcome, of course—shoot me an email if you have any questions.

And yeah, I know I haven’t been blogging in nearly three months; I’ve been secretly working on an image editor in my spare time. (Sorry, that was a small Mac developer in-joke.) I’ve got nearly two dozen articles that are half-written here that I’ve been meaning to finish. However, there’s nothing like being sick to make you catch up on reading books and updating your blog. (… and play more Bioshock, even if it basically just a normal-mapped phong-shaded bastard child of System Shock 2. All hail SHODAN!)

One o’ me good mates, sent me an email recently with a rather chortle-worthy summary of the HumanTerran plot of Starcraft I. Without further ado:

Raynor: Oh shit, nasty alien things with big teeth. Let’s put our faith in the supremely experienced commander who will save us (after I teach him how to build a command center, barracks and use the ‘repair’ button).
 
Zergling: Grrrrowl! Yummm!

Raynor: (shoots gun from his cool looking vulture bike)

Zergling: Gah! (dies)

Duke: Raynor. You’re a bad bad man. Why did you kill that cute little Zergling?

Raynor: It tried to eat me.

Duke: Well, tough. You should’ve asked me permission first because I’m the big boss of the Confedration and on one can take a shit unless I say so. Off to prison with you!

Raynor: Help! Get me outa here!

Mengsk: I’ll help! (opens the door) Hi. I’ve got this terrorist label but actually I’m a nice guy. The Confederation are the REAL baddies. Just to prove it, let me introduce you to my hot babe assistant. Remember, only good guys have hot babe assistants.

Kerrigan: Hi!

Raynor: …

Kerrigan: Wha! you perv!
 
Raynor: Huh what? How did you you know that I was thinking about having hot monkey sex with you up against the side of my bike whilst wearing a ballerina’s tutu?
 
Mengsk: She’s a telepath.

Kerrigan: Well, yes. And you’re staring at my tits.

Duke: Erm… fellas? Sorry to bother you… my ship sorta crashed in the middle of all these Zerg and they want to eat me. 
 
Raynor: Suck ass!
 
Mengsk: I’ll save you.
 
Raynor: WHAT!?!?
 
Mengsk: Well… Raynor will save you.
 
Raynow: WHAT!?!?! Oh… ok. (saves Duke)
 
Duke: Mengsk? YOU! I hate you with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns. I teach children to eat the liver of your dogs. You are a blight on all humanity and the scourge of the universe. The Confederation will never rest until we destroy you entirely!
 
Mengsk: Join me!

Duke: Ok.

Mengsk: Cool… Duke, what’s say you and I go kill all your former buddies in the Confederation.
 
Duke: Ok.
 
Raynor: uh… what about the Zerg?

Mengsk: No no. Much more important to kill Confederates.
 
Raynor / Kerrigan: uh… why?
 
Mengsk: Just do as you’re told.
 
Tassadar: Hey guys. We Protoss honour, respect and revere all sentient life. Therefore, we’re going to incinerate your planet. 
 
Mengsk: Oh shit. That means we don’t get to kill Confederates. Kerrigan, go kill the Protoss so that I can use this Psi-transmitter gadget to lure Zerg to kill Confederates. 
 
Kerrigan / Raynor: Erm… is this making any sense?

Kerrigan: I must do as I’m told because I’m a hot babe assistant. Ok, off I go to kill Protoss and lure Zerg and plant this Psi thingy.

Zerg Overmind: Who’s the hot chick in the catsuit. She’d look even cooler with green blood. I”m going to infest her… this will be fun. (infests Kerrigan) (Then Zerg go on to kill all Confederates)

Mengsk: YAY! All the Confederates died!

Raynor: You suck Mengsk. You too Duke. I’m leaving and coming back in a later chapter filled with vengenace to whomp your sorry asses. I’ll probably fall in love with Kerrigan since I’m the obvious hero and she’s the obvious heroine, but she’s infested with Zerg blood now… but I’ll use love to reach into the depths of her heart and rescue her and turn her back to the light side.

Andrew, please finish the Zerg and Protoss campaigns soon; we’d love to hear more.